You know the cat. He struts quietly into the gym wearing thick, faded, navy blue sweats and a pair of low-top adidas. His hair and beard are flecked with gray, but at the same time, it is tough to gauge his real age. As you step close to guard him on the inbounds pass, you notice the smell of Ben-Gay.
Because it seems cruel and easy to guard him, you sag off toward the paint and he churns out a creaky, but precise jumper. Annoyed, you guard him more closely on the next possession, but your new resolve sucks you into the backscreen he's set for one of his teammates.
On the other end of the court, trying to make motion in a halfcourt set is akin to moving through an endless stream of subway turnstiles, as his forearms never drift more than a few inches from your midsection. When you do manage to squirt free, you catch the ball and rise above the rim to shoot, but there is no shot -- just a linebacker's swipe and your arms flailing empty-handed. And now you realize the frustrating task set before you: this guy has 'old man game'.
Tonight's featured All-Star Weekend event is the Rookie Challenge, pitting the league's newest players against those who have been around a year longer. Those young'uns may run faster and jump higher, but if I had to lay down some heavy scratch on the game, I would pick this team of old-man gamers without hesitation.
Below is the starting five for my team of players with old-man game. At each position, I have chosen the player who best exemplifies the qualities of the grey-bearded gym rat. They received bonus points for playing that way since the earliest years of their career.
Because it seems cruel and easy to guard him, you sag off toward the paint and he churns out a creaky, but precise jumper. Annoyed, you guard him more closely on the next possession, but your new resolve sucks you into the backscreen he's set for one of his teammates.
On the other end of the court, trying to make motion in a halfcourt set is akin to moving through an endless stream of subway turnstiles, as his forearms never drift more than a few inches from your midsection. When you do manage to squirt free, you catch the ball and rise above the rim to shoot, but there is no shot -- just a linebacker's swipe and your arms flailing empty-handed. And now you realize the frustrating task set before you: this guy has 'old man game'.
Tonight's featured All-Star Weekend event is the Rookie Challenge, pitting the league's newest players against those who have been around a year longer. Those young'uns may run faster and jump higher, but if I had to lay down some heavy scratch on the game, I would pick this team of old-man gamers without hesitation.
Below is the starting five for my team of players with old-man game. At each position, I have chosen the player who best exemplifies the qualities of the grey-bearded gym rat. They received bonus points for playing that way since the earliest years of their career.
Andre Miller: The honorary captain of the team will not disappoint you. As I compiled this lineup and worked over the player descriptions, Andre faked a timeout against the Nuggets to earn himself two of the easiest points you will ever see in the NBA. There are no spare parts with Andre; he uses his brain, his shoulders, his butt, his forearms, and every other conceivably useful part of his body. He can post up a skinny point guard, set a pick for a teammate, or create separation for some earthbound penetration. Andre is the anti-Westbrook. In fact, Russell was guarding Miller when he went to a signature old-school move: making a pass to himself off the backboard. He has the full compliment of veteran point guard moves: teardrops, spin moves, finger rolls, and of course, plodding penetration.
Manu Ginobili: In order to compile a starting five of players with old-man game, we need to find players who can score from the wing. Our point guard is going to distribute the ball, and inside we plant a pair of big men with good hands who can pass, defend and box out. But as Hubie Brown would point out in second-person voice, "you must score points to win". Manu is a scorer. His hand-eye coordination is unmatched, as is his ballet-like footwork. Even though Manu himself can soar, generations of earthbound players will strive to mimic his Euro twostep, and at the same time, Ginobili is as crafty without the ball as he is with it. If you can name the move, Manu can pull it off: between-the-opponent's-legs pass, stepback jump stop, hook pass, etc... If you have moves you would like to see implemented, send your suggestions to @manuginobili on Twitter. I'm sure that he can figure out a way to incorporate them into the next Spurs' win.
Paul Pierce: The best part of pairing the left-handed Manu next to right-handed Pierce is that NBA defenders will end up with the athletic equivalent of dyslexia. Both Pierce and Ginobili can skillfully use their offhand, and with spin moves to counter any type of overplay, defenders won't be able to guess one direction over the other. The horizontal-to-vertical ratio of his game might be higher for Pierce than for any other player in the league. Pierce can hit a stepback going to either side, so he can create his own shot as a go-to shooter at the end of games. Like Manu, the best part of Paul's game is his footwork. As part of the Celtics' vaunted defense, he has willingly taken on the task of guarding the opponent's best scorers like Kobe and LeBron. More often than not, his team comes out ahead.
Tim Duncan: How do you become the greatest power forward of all-time, plus earn four rings?
- Master the footwork of playing on the box.
- Learn how to run an offense from either the back-to-the-basket low post or facing forward at the elbow.
- Become the best of your generation at the bank shot.
- Block shots (inbounds, even!)
- Rotate on defense and box out on defensive rebounds.
- Find your point guard on outlet passes.
- Set screens and roll to the hoop.
And do it every game. Sounds exciting, doesn't it? It reads like the table of contents for a 'how-to play basketball' book of the 1950's and yet Timmy's going to ride that strategy all the way to Springfield.
That's the ten-second summary of Kurt Thomas. He'll make no All-Star teams, there won't be an enshrinement in five years, and it seems doubtful that any Bulls fans (other than Joakim Noah) are buying tickets to see Kurt play. But he's a magnificently strong defender and heady overall player.
Look, I've seen more Wizards' games this season than I care to admit (i.e., all of them). There is talent there, but their number one problem is the ability of their big men to play smartly. Add Kurt Thomas to this team, including practice, and Watson the Jeopardy Computer could coach this team to a playoff spot. (Plus, Watson is much better looking than Flip Saunders.)
Honorable Mention (bench players):
- Jason Kidd
- Steve Nash
- Grant Hill
- Marcus Camby
- Chuck Hayes
Who did I forget?
Special thanks to @scaackler, @SerenityNowDDL, and @4point0show
for helping throw around these ideas on Twitter when I was trying to solidify the right players for the team.
Big Baby Davis. He can't run. He can't jump. He can't make a wide open breakaway dunk on national TV. He clearly doesn't even exercise. But he positions himself in the paint, takes charges, keeps defenders and would-be rebounders on his enormous back, uses an arsenal of pump-fakes, and scores all his points on flat-footed scoop layups under the basket. (bonus points for playing like an old man at 24!)
ReplyDeleteWow! That's a really good one! I especially like it from a defensive standpoint.
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